Polka dots and free speech

I keep learning things about myself, and I decided I'm just going to list them. To keep me thinking, if nothing else.

• I extremely hate the feel of powdery things. Flour, dust, cardboard on cardboard, fingernails on matte paint, anything like that. Aansdfkalhsdf. Makes my skin crawl.
• There are so many things I want to do with my life
• Travel the world
• Support myself with no worries (which most likely means playing it safe, which most likely means the majority of my goals are shit)
• Get married
• Have kids
• Be a great mom
• Be a great wife
• Be an awesome person
• Get cultured
• Have a better understanding of different places and ideas
• Be smarter
• Survive college
• Be famous
• Be normal
• Be a photojournalist for something that lets me travel
• Write a book
• Literally be a hobo/vagabond. I know that sounds crazy and stupid, but I do. I want to someday be rich enough that I can just take a debit card and a few cameras and travel Europe day by day. Maybe India and Asia while I'm out there.
• Make it as a photographer
• Be an auctioneer
• Teach somebody something that I'm good at without charging them anything
• Actually learn how to restore a car. Engine, paint job, interior, and all.
• Be smart enough to have a decent college fund for all of my kids
• LEARN HOW TO COOK SOMETHING BESIDES COOKIES AND MACARONI AND CHEESE
• I hate jokes about my personal life. Seriously hate. Hate hate hate. Hate. It's nobody else's business what the hell happens in my free time. Even if it's a joke. Pisses me off to no end.
• I hate when people underestimate the FFA. Instant piss-off-isfier.
• Disrespect is my biggest pet peeve.
• I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and 98% of the time, it's worth it.
• I am to the point in my high school career that I have given up on trying not to piss anyone off anymore.
• I need to write my teachers thank you notes, and I guarantee you I will cry more doing that than I did writing on senior pictures.
• This thought keeps creeping into my head that I am turning exactly into what I've always told myself I never would. That is seriously killing me. Things change?
• Lately I've been saying, "I think my number one fear is..." about everything I'm even kind of scared of.
• I've lost so much passion and drive to do photography lately. I sincerely hope that it's just a side effect of senioritis. If it isn't, I don't know what I'd do.
• I haven't found new music that I can really gel with lately. This is frustrating.
• I honestly don't give half of a shit about money. As long as I know I can survive without worries, I could care less. It's not like I can't wait to be uber rich or something.
• I've struggled my whole life, and I think a part of me wants me to struggle in the future, just because that's all I know how to do.
• I really don't think I understand how hard it is to be on my own.
• People keep telling me to get a job that I enjoy and that I'm good at. Well, I got writing, taking pictures, talking, and judging weeds and crops. Where the eff is that combo going to get me?
• I really want to play intramural volleyball. I think I will, actually. If I don't chicken out for fear of being shown up.
• Lack of responsibility is my second biggest pet peeve. I never understood how people can merit being unaccountable. Absolutely ridiculous.
• I seriously think that anyone who claims to have been cyber-bullied is a huge puss. Would you rather get a swirly? Same shit, different decade, bro!
• I hate confrontation more than I thought I did.
• Acceptance > cheese
• I say stupid things a lot. A freakin' lot. A whole hell of a freakin' lot.
• I'm almost there. I think.
• I both love structure and hate it with a fiery passion.

Thank you for visiting my crazy mess of emotions.