Can't sleep. Thinking about graduation. Trying to accept it so I can start moving on. But the thing is, I don't want to move on. I fucking love this damn place.

:)

Me: :) okay, nerdy question. Favorite superhero?
Him: Lmao oh my.. Uhm.. The hulk is green.. Thats pretty cool.. Ill go with that
Me: Lmao great reasoning. I can't even argue.. lol
Him: Hahahaha wooooo! :)
Me: ...but i still think Batman rules. lol :)
Him: Lol ahh i almost said that.. But i didnt wanna make the hulk angry..
Me: Because you don't wanna see him when he's angry.. lmao :)
Him: Lmao exactly! :)
Me: I'm literally laughing out loud right now. hahahahhaaa :)
Him: Lmao... You made me spit my pistachio!


I. love. my. life. ♥

I smell mash up numba cuatro a brewin'

Sitcho self down.

21

Maybe

just maybe

They don't want to talk to you.

Maybe

the reason they always seem to be busy is because you drive them effing berZERK.

Maybe

the reason they didn't get your text was because they were done talking to you.

Maybe

they snap all the time because you annoy them.

Maybe.

Or you just have rotten luck.

Whatever works, bro.

22

I just might do an emo Jr. High flashback right meow.

I just found out I have a MySpace app on my phone, and oh my gosh.

Talk about a throwback.

All of a sudden I'm thinking about A&E hoodies, when Jon first got pecs, when Carrie had braces, chatting using messages, bulletins for softball news, and all the shit with top friends.

Posting bulletins about that one guy calling me pretty. :)

...but then also finding out he was a tool.

Spanish class, vocal, shiny green fingernail polish...

YouTube comment wars with Dustin, Jen, JP, and Jon...

Designing layouts like crazyyy along with my website...

Discovering the joys of photobucket and being a size 1...

I remember thinking I would never drink and my first time would be prom night.

I remember thinking there was no life outside high school. Once you're a senior, time stops, and you get to revel in it for the rest of your life.

Some things never change.

23

Why is it that I'm waiting up for a text,

when I know you probably won't reply until morning?

Just for some reassurance, I guess.

A simple "Ya i will" would suffice.

Even a "Kk" would do.

I just want to make sure you got that message.

That message that says I give a damn.

That message that says I actually care.

But right now, you're toooo busy not caring.

But the thing is, I do actually give a damn, and I just want you to be kinda safe.

Love you. (:

24

Ohhhh, the guys in my life.

Gotta love 'em.

Sometimes I hate 'em.

But I just love the crap out of 'em.

The cousin, the best friend's boyfriend, the best friend's brother, the co-dictator, just the guys.

I love hanging out with the guys.

It's so fucking damn simple.

Food. Entertainment.

Blam-o.

Car talk, killin' zombies, blowin' shit up, swapping terrible jokes, yeah, it's definitely a blast.

But just because I love hanging out with the guys doesn't mean I want to be one of the guys.

What I want is to find that guy who wants the zombie killin', car talkin' girlfriend.

So far, I've gotten zilch.

A few guys have told me I'm an amazing girl with a kickass personality and any guy would be lucky to have me.

Yeah, well apparently only the ones with girlfriends already can recognize this.

Awesome.

25

Ranty gossip boy talk time? Yeah?

HOLLA.

So I guess this is ranty gossip boy talk time take 2.

Whatever. Okay, so what's new? Well, a lot, but basically nothing.

Still the only guy (or person at all for that matter) I regularly text is the same best friend guy that I enjoy talking to, hanging out with, talking about other guys with, etc. BTW, our convos are fucking hilarious. Like if they were monitored by Average Texts From Last Night everything we ever said would be on there.

The latest funny convo

Me: any more questions about boys? lol

Him: Whats a wiener

Me: lol. Ask a congressman

Him: Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahaa applause for 30 seconds

Me: :) Thank you, thank you

Him: still chuckling

Me: Haha that was rather clever wasn't it

Him: Like a blanket sewn to a kite

Me: ...beautifully said

Him: Indeed "sip"

Or who could forget the:

Me: Sorry I was in a meeting

Him: Me 2

Me: Really? What for

Him: Aids

Me: Rreeeeaaaalllllyyy

lolololol See what I mean? Just lovely ol' fun.

But what's new? Well an epiphany, that's what! Remember that duper cute boy that I talked about that's way out of my league and whatever? (According to Brotips, tho, when it comes to dating, there are no "leagues" but w/e. I think they're wrong on that one.) Yeah, he's just not that into me. Am I a little sad? Meh. It's whatever. Did he come right out and say that? No, but I just kind of woke up. You know how when you're looking at a picture of something and you're not quit sure what it is, so you keep staring at it, and then you figure out it's something really gross like all of a sudden? Yeah, it was kinda like that. Except it wasn't a really gross picture, it was just a simple realization. Now, does that mean if he randomly starts texting me now and wanting to hang out that I would shut him down? HAYAL NAH! Just because I wised up doesn't mean he's not still effin' smexy! Can't blame me for that. Nope, you just can't.

What else... Well around this time last year, I met this guy who I instantly liked. He was funny, mildly douchey, and had a crazy bad potty mouth. Naturally, I thought this was my guy. Well that didn't work out, mostly because he doesn't like to text, but I got to see him again this weekend and it was a lot of fun. :) Not like that! He's got a girlfriend now! But it was good to see him again. :)

Ahh I have shit on my mind, but it's mildly difficult to pour it on paper right now.

What's next? BFF's BF's BFF? Yup. Added him on the facebook. BFF keeps telling me I should go for that one because he's single now! And then she throws in a huge smile like 'yeahhh, girl!' Which is fine, when her boyfriend's not around. When he is, I feel like a creep. lol I know that prolly sounds dumb, but openly talking about this guy I don't even know when his best friend, aka my bff's bf is right there just makes it awkward. I think. But anyway, I fb added him. :) At least now he's aware I'm alive. lol. Should I talk about him a little? Well I don't know much about him. He's cute, I know that. He has an adorable smile. But all of his prof. pics suck ASS. He's good at basketball and track and BONUS he's got an International truck he restored. Can you say swoon? *sigh*

Well anywhos, omg I can't believe I'm freaking out this much about this guy.

It's midnight. It's Jen's birthday, actually. I am blaringly tired. Unless I think of something else I need to write about, I think I'm out for the night/morning.

Kloveyoubye.♥

26

hehe(:

I think I may have found exactly what I gave up on finding.

He's not douchey or an asshole, which for me is friggin amazing.

Instead of constantly bragging on himself, he called me cute and sent smileys.

He's the old car kind of guy.

We talked car shows. At that point, I was freaking the EFF out. :)

Is it possible?

Is this guy who likes Disney movies and '66 Stingray Corvettes for real?

Is he really letting me be a bro that's more than a bro?

Now all I can think about is that next text. :)

FINALLY.♥:)

27

Bro: Hey btw if this josh dude turns out to be a douche dont be surprised if i attempt to beat the fuck out of him

Me: Lol it's JAMES, And I appreciate the offer :)

Bro: Tis what bros r for and what i call him

Oh, bro. Bahaha :)

That's it. My past couple weeks. Ba-blam.

Love, Chrissyjoy♥

Super.

Rant.

Okay, while on facebook today, I became severely distraught.

My friends, some that I have known since literally the first day of school 12 years ago, some that I haven't known as long but are still a lot closer with, are getting their senior pictures posted.

Seriously, guys? Fuck!

Couple things wrong with this:

1) We should not be this close to leaving each other forever
2) Why are you guys so damn fucking gorgeous??

I'm not ready to leave here. I'm not ready to leave you guys. I'm not ready to move on, go to college, actually decide what to do with the rest of my fucking life.

But every time I try to enjoy what little time I have left here, my fucking parents go all Nazi ass on me. "Oh you don't do enough work at home to go do anything." Fuckin' LIE right there. You call 6, 7, 8 hour days working outside when BOTH of your lazy old asses are inside because it's too damn hot not working enough?? And NEWSFLASH: 16 year old kids are SUPPOSED to never be home. They're supposed to go to work, go to play, stay up late, ignore the SHIT out of you and lie about where they've been all night, because they've actually been OUT all night.

I shouldn't have to lie about going on a road trip, or making a wal mart run.

I shouldn't have to come home at 7:45 because my fucking mother got a wild hair up her ass.

ESPECIALLY when I told her that I would be home at 10:15 and all we were doing was watching movies.

And another newsflash: dude, I don't fuckin' drink! Why? I never know where the goddamn party is! If I DID know where it was, maybe I WOULD go, just so you guys would have a REASON to call me irresponsible and a rebel child.

You want a rebel child? I'll fucking show you a rebel child.

Shit.

Scrumptious.

Why is it that horoscopes are ALWAYS. FRICKIN. RIGHT?

Seriously? Cosmo told me that towards the 29th I would have an epiphany that the kind of guys that I always fall for (including the one I most recently have) are so not good for me.

No matter how much I would frickin love it if they were.

I mean, really. What girl wouldn't frickin love that.

Scrumptious.

Anyway, it was right.

I was blind.

Ugh. I hate this part.

When you realize you were stupid the whole time for hoping for something that wasn't even there.

No matter how much you wish it was.

no matter how much you wish it was.

So, I'm trying something new.
Blogging by text.
Hhhoo, buddy. Back up.
I don't really have much to say, but it's true.
I miss you, and can't wait to see you.<3