HEY CARRIE, READ THIS ONE.(:

I been reading you blog.

A lot.

Like a creeper.

And I have come to the extremely depressing conclusion that I do not know you well enough.

I know, I know.

It's quite quite poopy.

:(

I need to hang out with you more often.

I don't care if that makes me sound like an annoying little girl, it's true.

You are way too cool of a person to not hang out with enough.

That is all.


The girl who needs to live more while there's still life to be lived,
Chrissy Dittmer.

Somnia squared.

So much for making this quick.

I just read Carrie Berry and Matt Davis's blogs.

IIIIII cried.

Mmmmhmm. Yup. True story.

Why? Well, let's see. In one year, Carrie and me will be going off to two completely separate lives. Complete with different cities, schools, people, friends, boyfriends, churches, sports, teams, inside jokes, and drinking buddies. And in one year, Matt Davis and his graduating class will have been on their fast track to greatness for an entire year while I'm still sitting out physics in Mrs. Kelso's class.

I fucking hate growing up.

I love my class. Really, I do. Some of them sincerely need to pull their head out of their ass, but I still love them.

I wish I knew them better.

I wish I hung out with them more.

I wish they knew that I would literally do anything for them.

I'm not kidding.

Anything.

I wish I never had to leave their sides.

Because, honestly, as much as they may think they need me to supply homework and tampons, I need them needing me more.

The real world ain't like this fishbowl town.

It's a whole damn ocean out there, and this little goldfish don't know how to handle all them sharks.

I'm exactly the type of girl who ends up goin to college and being the party girl.

Just living in her high school ways.

Doesn't know how not to be smiled at by everyone.

I'll be that wrinkly nasty ass you see at wal mart who thinks they're still as hot shit as they were back in high school.

Not that I wanna be, I just fit the MO.

Don't wanna leave.

Don't know how to leave.

Living in the past even though I haven't even made a past yet.

How pathetic is that?



Sincerely,
Thegirlwho'salreadystuckinayearthathasn'thappenedyet,
Chrissy Dittmer.

Note 5

I'm just a girl trying to make it.
I'm fighting the currents and battling my family's dragons.
Making tough decisions, working tougher jobs, seeing the toughest things.
I'll make it.
Just give me faith and give me time.

Somnia.

Okay, Imma have to make this quick. It's late, I don't have much time, but I got a lot on my mind.

Okay, this boy. He's got a name, but I'm not gonna say it. If you know me, you've heard me talk about him. Sorry if it gets annoying. He's just the first real thing that's been in my life that I can talk about, so just the fact that I can talk about him makes me feel like I should talk about him.

I know, that makes me a tool. Sorry.

Anyway. I like him. He likes me. Like, a lot. He's a sweetie. And a douche. But in a good way. And it's just so damn easy to smile at his texts. :)

But it's really effing hard for me to fall. It's really, really hard for me to just let the wall down and see what happens.

I've literally never done that before.

What will happen when I do?

Will I get smashed up? Just like when I tried last time?

The wall got halfway down, but that was all it took to get smashed to pieces.

But I can't blame my "exes" for my fear of wall tearing down-ness. That's on me. That's my bad. Shit happens, and it's my problem to deal with that. I can't peg other teenage guys with hormones and bad attitudes for that. They're just doin' what they're gonna do, and I need to buck up and take it.

Just like I need to buck up and take this.

I'm just scared. I've gotta quit fighting it, but I literally don't know how. I'm working on it. But when he says something cute, I don't think he understands how much it takes to say something cute back. No matter how much I want to say it, it's still hard. Because every little bit I give can be taken away; used to hurt me.

That much I know.

And I know I sound like a fuckin' baby, but I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna make it work.