GRAMMAR LESSON.

1. Then: past. Back then...
2. Than: other. Other than...
3. D E F I N I T E L Y
4. T O M O R R O W
5. Y E S T E R D A Y
6. Shoulda = should've = should have. NOT should of. Same for could've, would've, etc. EXCEPTION: kinda. That is kind of, not kind have.
7. Your: possessive. Your dog, your cat, your grandma's pet owl.
8. You're: you are. You're a freaking idiot because you do not understand this.
9. Its: possessive. Its collar is nice.
10. It's: it is. It's not cool that you ignore the squiggly lines under the words you type.
11. When punctuating, there aren't random spaces before/after periods, exclamation points, and question marks. This is how you punctuate. Not this ! Or this.No. Like this. Questions? That is why we have a comment box.
12. A LOT
13. It's HIGH-PERR-BO-LEE. Not HYPER-BOWL.
14. Their: possessive. Their camper smells like a cat died while eating Mexican food.
15. There: place. It's over there, get it yourself, ya lazy piece o' crap.
16. They're: they are. They're all so stupid. Lord help their stupid souls.
17. G R A N T E D. People take things for granted, not for granite. Granite is a type of rock. Holy cow.
18. Y O U. Not U. Not yew. Not yoo.
19. Only add apostrophes when a) it's possessive, or b) it's a conjunction. Does it own something? Are you squishing two words together? If not, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP.
20. Two, too, to. If you don't know the difference, just go ahead and call in sick from life until you do. (Two = 2. Too = also or exaggeration, ie: too much, too many, too strong. To = everything else.)
21. That means it's "me, too" not "me, two."
22. Capitalized letters are only for words at the beginning of sentences and proper nouns.
23. W H O A
24. O H
25. M O U S T A C H E or M U S T A C H E. Both are acceptable.
26. F A S C I N A T I O N
27. B A C O N
28. J U S T
29. D A M N
30. Who's: who is. Who's understanding this right now?
31. Whose: possessive. Whose is this lovely purple pen? I would love to borrow it.
32. It's a wheelbarrow. Not a wheelbarrel.
33. O F F I C I A L L Y
34. If you're addressing a person, put a comma to separate the name from the rest of the sentence. Blah blah blah, Carl, blah blah. or Carl, blah blah blah. or BLAHBLAH BLAH blahdiddy blah blah, Carl!
35. Things like okay, too, though, however, weird little interjections like that need commas around them. Generally they'll be at the beginning or end of a sentence, so that's good, but yeah, use those. Also, like any time you would pause, or take a breath in a sentence, that needs a comma. Notice my amazing usage right now.
36. And lists! How could I forget lists! Technically there's two different ways to comma a list, but this is the best way: I want Hawaiian pizza, Chinese food, chocolate covered peeps, beef sticks, and some Sunny D for supper. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?
37. Supper: eats. Super: awesome. Supper is twice as super.
38. Dinner: eats. Diner: place to eat.
39. Dessert: nummies. Desert: hot place. Dessert is twice as good as the desert... or something like that.
40. Months and days of the week are capitalized.
41. Capitol: the building.
42. Capital: the letters, the punishment, the city, money, the assets, etc.
43. Whether: whether or not you should do blah blah blah
44. Wether: castrated male sheep
45. Bored: nothing to do
46. Board: wooden plank
47. Boared: NOT A WORD.
48. B E L I E V E
49. G O R G E O U S
50. "This is how you write a quote," said Chrissy, "because if you do it wrong, you'll look like a dumbass."

And this has been 50 things you need to work on, with Chrissy Dittmer!

Stupidity.

you may shoot me with your words

you may cut me with your eyes

you may kill me with your hatefulness

but still, like air, I'll rise

Some things I do have to do all by myself.

And I will.

And I do.

And I'll make it.

Because I ain't never not made it before.

Dude, this poem is the bawsest.

The Edge is where I want to be

By Lisa Martinovic

so you just want to take the edge off
one beer
one joint
one teeny weeny Prozac

get rid of the edge?

the edge is what Columbus sailed straight into
it’s the launching pad for every space shuttle
the edge is Eve contemplating the apple

and what’s life without an edge?
guess what, it’s DULL
the edge is the cliff you’ve dangled from in a hundred nightmares
you never know what’s over that edge
and there’s only one way to find out

Brothers and sisters
where are we—
who are we—
if we take the edge off?

Lose the edge
and all you’ve got is middle
middle aged
middle class
middle of the road
middle management

you’re dribbling along in the uncooked vanilla pudding of life
all fat
no lean, hard edge to drive you
sharpen your skills
your wit
your senses

the edge holds the answer to your questions
the question to your answers
it’s the trailhead to the road not taken
the edge is everywhere
you’ve never dared to be

baby, if you’re not on the edge
you’re sleepwalking through been there done that
you’re stuck watching reruns of somebody else’s life
in the great mushy middle
where all the droning, moaning masses live
and eat and act and dress and think alike
and see the same movies
so they can have the same conversations and then
dream the same dreams
if they dream at all

on the edge you don’t know
what anybody is going to do or say or think
the edge is not available on your cell phone, iPod, satellite dish
or anywhere in the googleable universe
the edge does not twitter, it THUNDERS

and there are no disguises here
on the edge, everyone is naked
all bets are off
and the game’s not rigged
the air is clear and brisk
your heart’s pounding
you’re shaking
you’re lightheaded and queasy
you’re scared
because everything is initiation
on that sharp unforgiving edge

damn right it’s uncomfortable
the edge is change!
it’s what you don’t see coming
so get out of your comfort zone and deal with it!

sure, the middle’s safe
it’s safe like hot cocoa, life jackets and training wheels
if that’s how you want to live
if you don’t ever want to break the rules
take risks
grow up
past your precious fears and life-strangling limitations

if you want to spend your life
drinking lite beer
smoking another joint
eating what’s put in front of you
and home entertaining yourself
till you suffocate on the vacuous paucity of your miserably crippled existence
then go ahead—have a virtual life

but if you’re tired and weary and battered
if you can’t take one more asshole
riding herd on your wild and precious life
if you’re mad or sad or bored enough
to wake up and do something
if you’re ready to feel the pain of the great
gaping wound your life has become
then goddamn it, friend!

quit your job
quit smoking
quit whining
leave that jerk
write that poem
go dancing
get sober
take a road trip—a dare—a spin—a lover—a chance
honey, break down and cry if that’s what it takes
then pick your ass up
and for all you’re worth run
don’t walk
to the edge

Potato juice.

I am strong, dammit.

When I am right, I will stand up for it.

When I'm wrong, I'll admit it. Or at least try to. I'm not amazing at that.

I will work.

I go out of my way.

I do more manual labor than most guys here at school.

Why the hell do you think I'm built like a silo?

I EARNED every bit of this muscle. So yeah, I'll walk like I own it, because I do, dammit!

And I am smart, dammit.

I came home from midterms with straight fucking A's when I was juggling FFA, NHS, basketball, art club, academic bowl, Spanish club, speech, ROCKSTARS, student council, and JOOI, not to mention a job, boyfriend, and social life. That means I'm freaking good at school.

I work hard to get my stuff done.

Not just out of the need to learn, but out of respect for my teachers who are spending their own time and money to get me somewhere.

I got a 26 on the ACT without studying. Not bragging, just fact. Pretty sure that means I'm decently smart. Not overly, but decently.

I have character, dammit.

I do things for the right reasons.

I stand up for what I believe is right.

I stand up for myself and my friends.

And sometimes even people I don't give a shit about!

Why? Because I am a good fucking person, and I try. I actually don't want to go to Hell, so I try to be someone I would be proud of.

All the cool/nice/unnecessary things I have I bought myself. Paid for myself. Saved up for myself. Worked for myself.

The grades I come home with I worked for myself. Put the time in for myself. Earned myself.

The character I'm working on getting, I work for every day. Read about every day. Think about every day. Pray about every day.

Am I a saint? I sure as hell am not. Never will be.

What I am is someone I would want to be.

Strong.

Smart.

Independent.

Hardworking.

Responsible.

Respectful.

And I am proud of myself.

If you take that as a cocky, arrogant, egotistical, thinks-she-owns-the-place "cunt", good for you.

I'm better than that.

Or at least I'm trying to be.

Travel bug.

So there's this video on youtube called A strange place in the desert. It's freakin' amazing.

It's about this ghost town that was a boom town back in the '50s. I don't feel like explaining it all, but here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrND-3LnlV0

I highly recommend it.

Anyway, it gave me the travel bug again.

I want to go out there sooooo badly, I can feel it in my gut. I want to get out and travel. I want to see everything. I mean everything. I want to document it all. I want to just take as much time and money as it takes, and drop everything else to go and experience everything the world has to offer.

I cannot bear the thought of dying without seeing half of the world.

My fear is that I'll put it off because of money, then put it off because of a guy, and put it off because of my family, then put it off because of my kids, and then waking up one day old as the hills and it's too late.

I don't want to blow this.

I want to be a gypsy about this.

I would love nothing more than to hippy the shit out of this and just go and see and do.

I need to plan more, though. I can't just take off with no food or money and just expect everything to be okay, no matter how much I want to.

I just want to get a van. A Volkswagen van. One of those hippy style ones. Paint it up right. Get a backpack with enough clothes to survive. Grab my camera. Take my beau, and just go. Drive. And then when I hit a coast, fly. I would say boat, but that takes far too long. I want to see all of Europe. And Asia. And the middle east. I want to explore Australia. I want to see South America. I want to go to Africa. Hell, I want to go to Hawaii!

But I'm afraid I'll never get to for a chain of stupid reasons.

If I could live on dreams and a camera...

I want to write.

I feel like typing, but I don't really have anything good or interesting to talk about, so I'm just going to state random facts about myself.

I think that's self absorbed enough for a blog entry, right? Good deal, leggo.

• I love chocolate ice cream, and every night my sister is home we stay up late, tell corny jokes, stories, and eat a ton of it. Best bonding time ever.
• Hawaii Five-0 is the best cop show ever. Followed by The Mentalist and NCIS. <3
• My favorite show in the history of time is The Rifleman. It's an old western.
• I hate change.
• I hate having my fingernails unpainted and my hair too long, but they both grow too fast and I can't keep up. Plus haircuts are ridiculously expensive. Boo.
• I hate having to pick between homework and scholarships, therefore I end up not doing either half of the time. Hence blog.
• Before I started talking to James, I probably got a total of three texts a week. If that.
• My class ring gets too big when it's cold outside.
• I don't mind glittery things, but I haaaaate when glitter gets on my skin. Grosses me out.
• Blood. Is. Disgusting.
• My feet are sick.
• I have a folder devoted to speech.
• I have a folder devoted to scholarships.
• Both folders are pretty worn out.
• My phone isn't a smart phone. It's a touch phone. No internet, just a couple pre-set apps. No app store. And I bought it myself. It's really not that cool.
• I always have 2 hair things on my wrist, and I usually have a hair bra, too.
• Science and math are my two least favorite subjects.
• I love painting things.
• I love taking electronics and machinery apart. Grease, shit, and mud don't bother me at all.
• My friends and me talk about poop and periods too much.
• I have axillary hyperhidrosis. Not treated for it, but it's legit. My armpits are a faucet. Omg.
• I probably have too many pairs of shoes, but it always seems like I can never find a pair that fits my outfit.
• I can be greedy and take things for granted, but when I realize that it makes me sad.
• It's difficult to find the balance between being the girl-next-door-sweetheart and the strong-independent-don't-take-no-shit-woman.
• Life is rough.
• I'm proud of my scars. Especially my tractor tire burns.
• I'm shaped like a pear. Whooo for birthin' hips.
• After I started talking to James, I completely quit giving a shit about what anyone else thinks about how I look. Confidence, check.
• I love reading novels about magic and weird shit like that.
• I love museums.
• I love antique shops.
• I loooove auctions.
• Movies make my day better. Even if it's a shitty movie.
• Art can move your soul. Legit. That ain't hippy shit.
• A good pair of heels can magnify your swag by 235,907,234 x.
• I'm not a huge fan of my birthstone. Ruby, meh. I'd be a terrible pirate.
• I don't like pearls, either. But I wish I did. If I did like them, I'd wear them like they did in the '50s. Classy.
• I refuse to boss my boyfriend around.
• I refuse to drag my boyfriend to a chick flick.
• I would braid my hair more if my layers didn't always fall out of it.
• My hair is neither curly nor straight. Wave central right heah.
• My eyelashes are huge, and I'm still addicted to my falsies mascara. I freakin' love it.
• Chapstick is amazing.
• I'm always dehydrated.
• When I'm tan, like really tan, my skin color could pass for a Latina. Easy.
• Cassidy is my exact opposite, yet we're supa tight.
• I wish I had more close friends than I do.
• I don't like it when people hate on other people that I don't mind.
• It's easy for me to be a bitch about something I really care about. Hem, FFA, hem.
• I want everything done right. Therefore I feel the need to do everything myself. Therefore always busy.
• I believe in taking responsibility.
• I believe in promises.
• I believe in respect.
• I believe in a better future.
• I believe in a complete no bull shit policy. Even if that's hard for me sometimes.
• I believe in being a better person.
• I believe that God loves us, even if we're all shitty people. I believe he forgives our sins as long as we know we did wrong and try to do better.
• I never bullshit God. I cuss when I pray. I tell him like it is and I hope he doesn't mind. How can he trust me when he knows I'm not real with him?
• 89% of the time when I pray, I'm asking for something. It makes me feel bad. Like He hasn't done enough for me already, and I'll always want more.
• I'm afraid the real world will break me.
• The world is huge, and part of me thinks it's awesome and wants to explore it all, and part of me finds it terrifying and wants to go sit in a hole.
• My favorite color changes seasonally. Sometimes more.
• I am a dog person.
• I can eat an entire family sized bag of sour cream and onion potato chips by myself while watching one movie. Just ask Alex.
• I'm afraid of getting fat and having heart problems because of it. Family deal.
• Volleyball shot my knees to hell. I'll probably have to get them replaced before I turn 50.
• I really enjoy scrapbooking. Yep, I'm secretly 30.
• I also think kitchen utensils are cute. Seriously, I love looking at cute new spatulas and junk.
• I use Google Chrome.
• I'm afraid that journalism really isn't my fit. Really scared. I feel like I would much rather be a mechanic, photographer, auctioneer, but I doubt I could make a living off those. Even together.
• My bucket list is insane. Ly awesome.
• I have a book devoted to all of the lists of things I need to do, see, read, watch, or experience before I die.
• I have way too many can koozies. And I don't even drink.
• I love listening to music I've never heard before.
• Photography is my passion.
• I miss volleyball like crazy and I get choked up every time I think about it.
• I. Will. Make. It. To. All State. In. Individuals. I have to.
• Procrastinatorrr~~~
• My laugh is obnoxious, but I love it.
• I write things I need to do on my hand. I can lose a paper, I can't lose my hand.
• Every day I write in my planner. Someday I can look back and see what I did on January 5th 2012 and give a shit. Maybe my kids will think it's cool, I don't know.
• My grandpa (Papa) died November 28, 2005 and 11:30 pm from lung cancer. He had malignant tumors on his voice box and another in his brain. At the end he had seizures, and that's finally what did him in. It was because he smoked Winstons from the time he was 15 until he was 57 ish. He was the best grandpa I could have asked for. I love him so much, and I miss him like crazy. Every day. ♥
• My other grandpa, Grandpa Dittmer died of Parkinson's in 2002. I was always afraid of him, for some reason, which was stupid. I wish I would have known him better.
• Grandma Dittmer was a saint. Sweetest woman I have ever met. She had 9 kids, one that died as a kid. One of 7 girls I think. She had 30 grand kids, and knew and loved every single one of us. She was up in her 90's when she died, and that was just because it was her time. She was all used up by the time Jesus called her. I know she's up in heaven. If she's not there, the rest of the world is straight up fucked.
• I'm afraid my dad won't get to walk me down the aisle.
• Some asshole I don't know told me one time that my dad will never see my kids, and that thought has been in my head ever since.
• After this year, I won't be taking violin lessons anymore, and I couldn't be more excited about this. Seven year old me is pissing her pants with happy right meow.
• I say right meow a lot.
• I say bro a lot.
• And bruh.
• And dude.
• And broski.
• And dudebro.
• And occasionally dudebroski.
• My iPod has everything from Seether to Glenn Miller and everything in between. Except classical and metal. Everything else in between.
• 98.7 KMGO is my station.
• I have never won a trophy.
• I've only won one medal. And that was in an academic bowl.
• Winnie the Pooh is my favorite cartoon character.
• Mulan is my hero. Still.
• People like MLK Jr., Sojourner Truth, Maya Angelou, Catherine the Great, Katharine Hepburn, and Ghandi inspire me to do better. If they could, I can.
• I don't disrespect presidents. I may not like one, but I know they all do what they think is best. You can't ask more than that.
• I go to church every week. It's one hour. It's good for ya.
• I'm always afraid of offending people.
• I doubt you've read down this far.
• For some reason, I find this horribly fun. Narcissistic much?
• HARRY POTTER♥
• I never want to lose contact with my friends. Especially the ones with big plans that I've had their land-line memorized since I was 7.
• My best friend, Alejandra "BA" JoLynn Sudbrock makes the best damn toast in the world.
• I miss playing bari sax.
• I feel like I'm cheating on iTunes with Spotify...
• I have facebook, myspace, twitter, pinterest, tumblr, blogger, flickr, and a Walgreens account. Omg.
• Tagalongs are the best girl scout cookies.
• I still don't get why my boyfriend likes me. He's clearly the cooler one of us.
• I need to take a math quiz.

Okay, I'm done now.

Thanks.

Bye.♥

Surely.

I'm stressed out and I feel like I'm drowning in shit I have to do, so of course it's necessary for me to waste a good ten minutes ranting my brains out.

Enjoy.

Things I need to do:

• Iowa Degree
• Scholarships
• Recruit people for JOOI
• Get dues from people for JOOI
• Write my after dinner speech
• Research more for my lit program
• Really buckle down on improv
• Make up 21 delinquent cross courts (soon to be probably 37)
• Tell Dirkx not to mail a letter I told him to write yesterday (I'll get to that story)
• Memorize my solo for festival
• Do my physics
• Do my chemistry
• Actually read Frankenstein instead of bullshitting my way through evverrryyythhiiiiiinngg
• Turn in money for my speech shirt
• See if Galvin finished his bit for my NHS scholarship
• Get all over my parents' asses about getting FAFSA done so I can quit missing scholarship deadlines for that
• Clean the church
• Work ahead in comp
• Work ahead in math
• Work on my photography!

Seriously, I haven't TOUCHED my pictures since Christmas. I just now uploaded all the pictures I had on my camera since 12/31, which was 443, BY the way. What the french, I mean, last year, I couldn't go TWO WEEKS without going through picture withdrawal and doing SOMETHING. Where the fuck did that go? Now I have a brand new lens and I'm too busy all the time to use it, PLUS, omg this is the best part, picnik premium is now FREE and is going out of business in April, and I have edited NOTHING since I heard this. WTF IS THE MATTER WITH ME? If I'm really too busy to follow my passion, I have my priorities severely fucked up someplace. And it hurts when I see people have these opportunities with their photography that I never get. I want that. Not that I have time for that, but I want the offer. I want somebody to come up to me and say, "Hey, Chriss, we should go on a photo shoot next weekend. I think you'd do a good job." I want to get somewhere with this, and if I really want that, I should be way far ahead of where I am now.

I'm fucking drowning.

Homework, clubs, sport (singular. omg.), responsibilities, job, friends, and not to mention my boyfriend that I'd rather just watch Jackass with than do half of that other shit I'm supposed to do.

Not saying that I'm that girl that wants/does blow off everything else just to see her beau; I'm so not.

We both have lives, friends, family, responsibilities, and we both understand that.

It's just nice to hang out when you only get the chance to see each other once a week. That's a fact, and that you can't argue.

But anyway, that's the least of my worries right now, that's actually quite awesome. Scholarships are scaring the piss out of me.

I'm broke as a joke.

There's no way I can afford college.

I'm afraid that even after I get loans there's no way to pay for it, and then I'll have loans plus interest to pay off. And THEN my parents go and FORGET to put a scholarship in the mail, so now that one's out of the question. That pushed me over the edge. I freaked the fuck out. My dad told me to mail it anyway, like because I'm such a fuckin' damn saint that they'd ignore the tardiness and take it anyway. Yeah, bro, the whole world doesn't revolve around the fucking Dittmers anymore! You're not hot shit anymore! You haven't been since the '80s! WHICH, by the way, was the last time you bothered to upgrade any of your shit around here!

Wow, I should not get into that on the internet.

Anywhooooo, I need to:

• Delegate
• Make lists like a boss (so far so good)
• Manage my time like a bamf
• Shut the fuck up and get my shit done

Yep, I think that pretty much sums it up.

Now I'm gonna go ham on some pictures I've been neglecting.

Why?

Because I'm clearly a dumbass.

The girl who likes to complain and worry and stress way too much,
ChrissyJoy♥