Somnia.

Okay, Imma have to make this quick. It's late, I don't have much time, but I got a lot on my mind.

Okay, this boy. He's got a name, but I'm not gonna say it. If you know me, you've heard me talk about him. Sorry if it gets annoying. He's just the first real thing that's been in my life that I can talk about, so just the fact that I can talk about him makes me feel like I should talk about him.

I know, that makes me a tool. Sorry.

Anyway. I like him. He likes me. Like, a lot. He's a sweetie. And a douche. But in a good way. And it's just so damn easy to smile at his texts. :)

But it's really effing hard for me to fall. It's really, really hard for me to just let the wall down and see what happens.

I've literally never done that before.

What will happen when I do?

Will I get smashed up? Just like when I tried last time?

The wall got halfway down, but that was all it took to get smashed to pieces.

But I can't blame my "exes" for my fear of wall tearing down-ness. That's on me. That's my bad. Shit happens, and it's my problem to deal with that. I can't peg other teenage guys with hormones and bad attitudes for that. They're just doin' what they're gonna do, and I need to buck up and take it.

Just like I need to buck up and take this.

I'm just scared. I've gotta quit fighting it, but I literally don't know how. I'm working on it. But when he says something cute, I don't think he understands how much it takes to say something cute back. No matter how much I want to say it, it's still hard. Because every little bit I give can be taken away; used to hurt me.

That much I know.

And I know I sound like a fuckin' baby, but I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna make it work.