15
I'm going to take this time to write my brains out.
Currently, it is 12:03 Wednesday morning.
Today, I have shit to DO, but no people to screw.
Frowny face?
Even if I wasn't going to screw anybody, having someone that I could potentially screw if I wanted to without being a scurvy little slut would be nice.
So this guy. He's cute. I wish I saw him more often. Well, I kinda can't know for shitty reasons. :( I have like zero balls. Which is good because I have a uterus, and having both would make me a hermaphrodite. But I need some girl balls, because I really wanna text him, or at least talk to him because he's effing hilarious and awesome, but he's a little out of my league. Is he really? Is it just my imagination? Does he want to text me? I s he incapable of texting me? Did he and I just never got it so he never did again? Am I pathetic? (Don't answer that one.) Of course I am, look at me! What the hell? What's the worst that could happen by texting the guy first? He doesn't reply? He looks at his phone and says, "Yeah, I don't want to talk to you." Then clicks ignore? Tells his best bud that you're annoying? Okay, that would only happen if you did it all the time. I think.
Honestly, though, I have a pretty good track record.
Never once been turned down.
Probably because I've never once made the first move.
Okay, lie.
Freshman year, my bff told me this guy liked me. I already knew because it was mildly obvious, but I called him out on it (via YouTube, because we were SO cool) and we ended up dating. For a whole day. Almost. He chickened out. lol. Why? Because we were/are really good friends and he was afraid to screw that up. I still kinda wonder what could have been there, but we're just just friends.
So maybe I have been turned down.. *ponder*
No, because we did cross that line, we just jumped right back over.
Hahahahahahahhaahaaa oh my gosh that's so effing freshman.
But it's weird, not liking him like that anymore.
My head keeps telling me I should just out of habit. Like I'll drive by his house and check if his truck's there just out of habit. I'll see a truck like his and automatically check to see who's driving. Little things.
But then there's this other guy.
He's super sweet, he's funny, and all my friends think I should date him. He's available and he probably would, and he's not a bad catch. Why won't I?
Hell if I know.
Pros:
Smart
Funny
Adorable
Tall
Athletic (kinda)
Likes me enough not to punch me in the face
Cons:
Younger
Too nice? Is that even a thing? Yup. He's just not assholey enough for my taste, I guess.
What the hell. He's obviously the better pick between this one and the one that's out of my league, but ehhhhh! That one is just so damn cute. And I'm pretty sure he tried hitting on me when he was drunk. Sure, he's a flirty drunk, but shtiiill.
Shit, I'm tired. And hashing out why I feel the need to date assholes is exhausting.
I'm not the only girl who thinks the asshole quality is attractive, though, I have talked to my friends about that.
Problem is, I attract the freaks more than I attract the assholes.
Seriously, every guy in our school that people make fun of has made a move on me.
Every. Single. Freaky. One.
The annoying one?
Check.
The gross ass?
Check.
The wrecking ball?
Check.
You name it, they've asked me out.
Or at least tried.
There was one point where I was turning down freaks on a weekly basis. It was quite exhausting work.
My bff tells me it's my birthin' hips that attracts them.
I wouldn't be surprised. After all, more primitive males are attracted to qualities that promote easy birthing and fertilization.
Sorrry if that just creeped the shit out of you. :/
However, my guy friend told me it's because I'm too damn nice.
Ohhkayyy, so I'm supposed to be a bitch if I want to attract normal guys?
I'll get right on that.
But I don't wannaaa!
I wanna be that cute, sweet, fishing, COD playing, sammich making, mushroom hunting, beer drinking, barefoot in the crick, braids and fingernail polish girlfriend.
I just need a guy who can let me be that.
I don't wanna invent Mr. Right, because Mr. Right will never happen. I want to meet real guys with real lives and just go with it.
That's really all I want.
Someone who I can talk to and be completely me with.
100%.
And he better freakin' accept Hector.
That's Hector.15 (again. whoops.)
Who are you?
What do you stand for?
Yeah, you're good looking.
Yeah, you're bffs with my bffs bf.
Yeah, that would be effing perfect.
But I don't know you.
Does he talk me up as much as she talks you up?
Have you facebook stalked me?
Not gonna lie, buddy, some of your profile pics are pretty damn terrible.
You know what?
We should hang out.
Just us four.
Even if we end up not being all cute and lovey dovey, it would still be fun.
Two and two.
Four.
:)
16
AH I miss your sexy face.
Dude, I haven't fallen this hard for a guy since... seventh grade?
And hhhoooo buddy.
That one took 3 years to completely wear off.
That was bad.
This? This is good.
You're cute. I'd like to think I'm cute.
You're smart. I'm a fucking genius. ;)
You're funny. I've been known to crack a joke.
Best: There is something there.
I can tell. I can feel it.
Just when we walk next to each other, I can feel it.
I can't quite figure you out, though.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, sure, but DUDE. Not that much distance.
That just makes the heart go effing insane.
But don't mind me.
Don't mind me when I work up the balls to do what you never did.
Text.
It's quite easy.
And I think I'm gonna do it.
I just don't know what the fucking hell to say.
Things I need right now:
Motivation and confidence.
Then we'd be set.
17
imnotgoingtopostthisone.
18
This game
sucks to watch
with you right there
talking laughing dishing stories
but then theres the guys
trying to fish stories I dont wanna hear about
I dont
I just dont
I do want to hear you laugh
have fun
uh, I dunno, talk to me?
maybe?
yeah?
Schweet.
19
Take me by the tongue
and I'll know you
kiss me till you're drunk
and I'll show you
May be my new jam.
But I want you to learn the words.
I want you to know my favorite jams.
My best colors.
I want you to know how I'm feeling by the way I smile.
So I'm going to fight for that right.
I'm gonna grow some balls and figure it out.
I will.
:)
Theeee eeennnddddd.♥
Don't judge me too harshly. In fact, just don't judge me at all.
Loooove, Chrissykins♥
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