AND IT SHALL BEGIN!
6
I'm done blaming you.
You will be you.
Cocky. Blatantly good looking. Player.
It's all on me now.
It's my fault I let you drag me on.
It's my fault you have such control over me.
I don't like this. Obviously.
There is hardly a happy medium.
But is that your fault?
Nope. It's mine.
My stupid ideas of the perfect high school romance.
My stupid notions of the best friend boy friend.
None of this is on you.
I'm just learning.
Living and learning.
Picking up the pieces and putting them in a basket.
Someday soon that basket will be full again.
Promise.
7
You may not know this, but you are an amazing person.
SO amazing, in fact, that I am blatantly jealous of you most every day.
You are pretty, smart, funny, smart, talented, and way more confident than I could ever be.
And when you think you aren't good enough, it makes me sad.
Because you are.
You are better than good enough, YOU, my dear, can take on this WHOLE DAMN WORLD any day of the week while wearing heels and a push-up bra.
Never doubt it for a second, darling.
You are amazing just the way you are.
You deserve better than what you give yourself.
Those grades, that college, hell, even that boy.
Don't settle.
You CAN do amazing things if you just believe in yourself a little bit.
I can't wait to see what you'll accomplish in your life, and I really hope I'm there to see it. :)
8
Boy, I wish that I actually had the balls to ask you this in person, but can I get yo' numba? ;)
Truth is, I think you're cute.
Cuter than cute.
Quite steamy, actually.
And every once in a while you pop in my mind and I smile.
I just love talking to you.
You are pretty darn hilarious, and I'm really going to miss our conversations.
I kinda don't want to stop having them, seeing as how much I enjoy them.
..and how much you enjoy them, too. Face it, you can't hide that smile. :)
So for the sake of intelligent conversations;
boy, you should give me your number. :)
9
Journals have always been hard for me.
Required ones anyway.
Well... any of them, really.
What if someone were to break into it?
I need more locks!
More keys!
More rubber bands!
More precautions!
Lock up the keys that lock up the diary!
Hide the diary!
Hide the locked up keys!
Hide the keys to the locked up keys!!
Nowadays, I've given up on secrets.
All they do is push people away.
But I still have trouble actually writing a diary.
I can write poems, stories, articles, essays.
I can draw it out.
I can photograph what I think.
I can plan everything to make the perfect artistic statement, but just saying what I think can just be so exhausting sometimes.
I can't just call you out.
I can't just call her beautiful.
I can't just call myself fat.
I can't just tell you how sorry I am.
I can't just tell him I like him.
Yet, I have no problem writing this down, explaining how I can't explain.
Irony at it's FINEST.
Words eating words, like vegetarian cannibals.
10
Don't look at me like that.
I know what I'm doing.
I know it's bad for me.
I know it'll make me feel like SHIT in a few hours.
But right now, I love the way it feels.
I love that buzz.
I love how it makes me warm up.
I love how half the time I can't control myself.
I love the seconds of hilarity.
I know it hurts me.
I've been there. Ready to barf on Saturday morning.
It's broken me countless times.
But I'm addicted.
I'm addicted to it.
And then there's the alcohol.
11
What's the MATTER with me?
I'll want something SO BAD, and then I'll chicken out.
I don't need it.
I don't want it.
Not worth it.
What bull shit!
I really need to cowgirl the fuck up and do it.
Git 'er done.
Ask for that number.
Go hang out with them.
Make my own rules and deal with the consequences.
Make mistakes and learn from them.
But I can't do that with you.
You are holding me back.
You plan too much.
Who effing cares? We're 17 and it's summer!
We do what we want now.
This is officially OUR summer.
MY summer.
This IS my summer.
This is MY summer.
This is my SUMMER.
Last chance, Harvey.
Final curtain, Bruce.
I want to make mistakes.
And I want the courage to make them COUNT.
∙∙∙∙∙∙∙∙Same rules apply as the last time. Not all of this is legit. Some is, yes. Some was me with a pen writing words on paper. Don't read too much into it. Unless you want to, that is. Haaa :)
♥chrissyface
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